Bukta Bigstep

Today has been a proper milestone in my life. I started working again!! Now, for those of you not paying close attention, I've been out of the job-market, recovering from work-related mental exhaustion for over two and a half years. In a previous blog-post of mine; "The Long And Intricate Truth", I wrote about what it's been like to be struck by such an illness like that - and shared some reflections that I have made surrounding the long, tedious and frustrating process of recovering.

And now if all of you who just took a click'y detour to read said blogpost have returned and joined the rest of us, let me tell you about the next chapter in my recovery-history:

For a long while I dreaded that I was going to end up "workless and worthless" for the rest of my life. I know it's a defeatist (and statistically unrealistic) thought, but when you're frustrated by the fact that every step forward in your recovery process is accompanied by a blow and a stagger backwards, thoughts like that  have a way of grabbing hold of you. Also, because your illness is work-related, you know that you have to start from scratch again, building a new career and a new network in a completely different field to what you have ever worked in before - because returning to a job-environment similar to the one that made you sick, would be counterproductive, downright stupid and would make you sick again.

Now I've always been a stubborn and ambitious girl, and after only a few, short rounds of soul-searching, it didn't take long for me to decide what area I saw myself working in sometime in the future. And because that stubbornness and ambition is paired with impatience and creativity, I soon started using most of my time and energy to focus on shaping what would someday become my new life. Music.

Dreamcatcher became such a huge success in my life that I could no longer convincingly tell myself that I was useless. It opened up a network of people to me that made me have to deal with the outside world, and not barricade myself in my apartment and develop social anxiety. It gave me musical experiences that put a smile on my face and awe in my heart. And most importantly, it pointed the way to my future - and I couldn't wait to take each step in the direction it pointed.

And today, the step I took was a huge one! The Bukta Open Air Festival; one of the best rockfestivals in Norway, have agreed to house me at my first job since I got sick, and they welcomed me with open arms. I've been involved in the festival for a few years already, both as a volunteer and as a member of the assistant staff, and I've admired and appreciated the way they conduct their business. And now I am a member of their administration :D

I caught myself grinning where I sat at my desk today - so happy that I've come so far that I'm re-entering the working world again. And so grateful that I can work at a place that accepts me for who I am and what I am capable of, strengths and flaws included! I honestly think that I have never started a job with more honest and realistic pretenses before - not pretending to be anything I'm not, and not feeling any pressure to over-achieve and enter into a mode that will bury me in work and lead to another breakdown.

And can I tell you a secret? I actually think the removal of that pressure might be one of the keys to unlocking my recovery....

My new workplace: The Bukta Open Air Festival