Welcome to the inside of my head. This is the essence of me. Nothing more, nothing less and certainly nothing perfect. But then again, perfection is never all that interesting or exciting is it..? ;) xxx
Hello woooorld - I cry out from the depths of the snowy north... hehe. March has buried us in snow, unless you've not noticed... And as the snow-depth record of all times is fast approaching here in Tromsø, and the powers of nature again remind us how utterly subdued we all are to its whims; I long for spring and summer. When I'm gonna tell you about what song I listened to the most this past month, I have to admit it's by an artist that I had the great pleasure of meeting and randomly hang out with at a festival in the UK last summer. He played a great set on the stage there, and he turned out to be as great a guy off stage as he was performer on stage. Even the sound-crew called him a Superman, and that's saying a lot ;)
His name is Sîon Russell Jones, he's welsh, and he just released a new, summery song of a YouTube-video that I haven't been able to stop listening to since the first time I heard it. He also looks a bit like DJ Ravi.... (right?)
I do not own this picture...
Anyways. This is the song I've been listening to non-stop for the past month - on repeat at home, on loudspeakers at work, and in my head wherever else.
So bye bye winter. So long, I'm leaving.. I'm gone!
It's time for a new blogpost, methinks. As I have promised, I'm going to continue telling you about the music that accompanies me in my life, by each month presenting you with the song I've listened to the most in the past month.
In February, the Norwegian Tromsø-band Cazadores released their latest single "City Still Sleeping" - a teaser of what's to come in their debut album "Hyperion Days", due to be released.... (*googling*) ...oh! Today, actually! The song has a euphoric feeling of grandness to it, and when I listen to it and close my eyes at the same time, I feel like it's festival-season again and I'm standing in a huge crowd dancing along, waving my arms and singing at the top of my lungs.
Photo of Cazadores: Carl Kristian Lein Størmer
I loved this song the very first time I heard it - at Cazadores' debut concert in the intimate, grungy, basement-venue Bastard Bar, Tromsø. It's hard to explain, but certain songs just have a special quality to them that makes them stand out from everything else... Some (like a lot of what you find in the top ends of the charts) are, of course, the product of carefully thought out song-composing, where seasoned songwriters, hired to create a hit for an artist, skillfully analyze current musictrends, pick apart songs to conclude what is selling, what segments hit a nerve in people - and creates new songs based on what is statistically probable to generate the most income. Other songs are not a product of a multi-million business investment - they are merely the child of talented artists with a passion for creating and spreading music that moves them and enriches their own lives. Those songs - for me - are even more special and magical, because you can tell where they come from.
"City Still Sleeping" are one of THOSE songs. The expression of a hard-working band on the rise - a handywork that earns my utmost respect. And it's clear that this team is just as professional in their field as those hired in to create magic for established superstars.
Ever since the first time I heard it (almost 2,5 years ago), I have been impatiently awaiting its release - but at the same time fearing that some of the magic from the live performances would be lost in the studio (like I have sadly seen with so many bands, so many times). I can breathe easy now. And I can give kudos to the band. The production captures the song beautifully. Vocals... Instruments... Build-up.. Release.. Bv's... Well done guys!
City Still Sleeping is the bands third release (after two previous EP's), and I want to commend them on not releasing it too soon (however much me and others have wanted it on our playlists!). It seems Cazadores are doing a lot of things right, building up a reputation and following before timing the release of their strongest song to date perfectly.
All I can say is: Best of luck to the guys! With passion, a level head and a clear strategy there's no telling how much of the world they´ll conquer! xxx
I did something for the first time today. I like doing things for the first time. It makes me feel fresh and sporty, and not like someone who is too set in their ways to ever venture out of their comfort zone. I have been told repeatedly that the magic only happens outside your comfort zone, so I try to spend a bit of time there as often as I dare. And doing something for the very first time is a good way of doing just that.
This particular time I was extremely pleased with all the good consequences of doing something that was new to me. Ladies and gentlemen.... Today I bought my very first LP record!!! :D
Now, let me explain why I'm so pleased with this (apart from it being a very good record, but more about that later): 1. I am officially not old enough to have bought LPs in my youth. 2. I can refute being a hipster, as all the hipsters I know have been doing this for a couple of years already.
And which band/artist, do you ask, has had the honor of being my first ever buy? Jupp let me tell you. The talented and awesome indieband Hjerterå.
I first came across these guys in June 2010 when they asked to come and play Dreamcatcher. I immediately fell for their musical craftsmanship, stage presence and thought-provoking lyrics, and they are, in my opinion, one of the most exciting new emerging bands in Norway today. Ok, there are many exciting bands on the rise from both my local town and other towns in Norway, but for me, Hjerterå has caught my eye for one particular reason.
I am a music promoter because I want to be and because I love what I do. And as a promoter, it is important to me that the bands and artists I promote and work with mirror the values me and my company stands for. Just like any conscious and successful company in the world really... For me that is hard work, dedication, being good at what you do and deliver a product you are proud of. And like anyone I know, I also want to have a good day on the job and not work with assholes.
Many artists and bands focus a lot on the hard work-bit and the bit about delivering a CD/EP/LP where all the sounds and harmonies are tweaked to perfection in a trained musicians ear. That's awesome and shows your dedication to your art, but if you don't also spend the same amount of effort on making sure your live shows are top notch EVERY time and that you treat the people around you with respect - then quite frankly I don't care how talented you are and how fat that new guitar-pedal sounds on that track, I am not interested in working with you. You reflect poorly on MY company and on ME! In the team that creates a live performance you also have sound-engineers, stage-techs, promoters and very importantly the audience - and all deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect.
Hjerterå inherits a trifector that sadly many bands forget to think about - a trifector that adds to their professionality. They always bring their A-game to any gig they play (NO gig is too small or insignificant for them to do a good job at) - they execute with perfection (as the skilled musicians and performers(!) they are) - and they are always a joy and delight to work with for those of us who are backstage.
If you get a chance to see Hjerterå live, I recommend you do it. Unlike many other talented bands and artists I have come across they WILL give you your moneys worth. For those reasons alone, I am proud to have made them my first EVER LP purchase. Now I just need to get myself an LP-player....
"Hjerterå - Svanesangen"
PS: The LP also includes a CD that unhipsters like me can play in my car and rip to my I-Tunes library. Double-WIN :D
December has turned into January. 2012 has turned into 2013, and the year that some thought would never come is upon us. A lot of people have voiced their New Years resolutions to me, and wondered what MY resolutions are. And earlier years I have had my fair share of determinations on which areas of my life I should improve in the (then) upcoming year. But as I've been working very hard last year to systematically dive deep into, and repair, all my screwed-up-ness, it hasn't even occurred to me that a lot of people actually wait (!!) for the turning of the year to initiate changes in their lives... It kinda puzzles me that we as humans feel we need a catalyst (or peer pressure?) to kick our rears into doing something good for ourselves. So at last I've decided what my New Years Resolution for 2013 will be: To actively continue making my life better and better, and not sit quietly and wait for awesomeness to happen.
And on that note... I have to tell you all that I am very touched and moved at how many of you are getting in touch with me to find out how I am doing when it comes to recovering from my burnout/wallcrash. I was intending to give you an update before Xmas, but as November turned into December something happened that demanded my full mental attention, and took a lot out of me - so I've just not been on here for weeks now... Thank you for your patience and support.
During these months that I'm spending working on becoming well again, I've kinda laid out a plan for what areas in "my head" that needs mine and my therapist's attention, and in what order they should be addressed. In my life, many things have happened that have shaped me into becoming who I am today, both for the good and the... less fortunate... but I intend to deal with it all so that all the puzzle pieces fall into the right places eventually. And most of you know that when you're working on a jigsaw-puzzle; you need a plan: Start with the frame - move on to the pieces with recognizable patterns and details on it, and then deal with the mono-toned, difficult pieces towards the end. That's the plan for solving the puzzle in my head as well.
I think I've laid out most of the frame already. And now I'm working on the pieces with patterns on them. However, a few weeks ago, something happened that forced me to deal with some of the mono-toned pieces a long time before intended. I found myself in a whirlwind of a situation where I quickly had to teach myself skills of filtrating information, firmly setting boundaries, keeping my head above the freezing arctic water; and all the while venturing mentally back to past events that I had every intention of leaving buried for- (probably) ever. I must admit, it was scary to no longer be in control of my own tempo and progress. It was also scary to realize that however much in need of a break I was - and however much I saw that my mental capacity got reduced to near non-functioning (because my mind was so busy dealing with outside forces), I could not do anything other than to keep fighting for my own sanity and survival.
Choose your own caption: 1. "So don't take my photograph. Cause I don't wanna know how it looks to feel like this..." - Newton Faulkner 2. "Whatever happened to truth - lost without a trace...?" - Gary Go 3. "Sorry I can't answer your call. I can't speak. I can't breathe at all" - June Egerton
I know that a lot of the people who saw me, and were around me those days, were terribly worried. They have told me so both then and later. And to be honest I was worried as well. There were days where I several times an hour was suddenly hit with faintness-spells and almost fell over injuring myself. When this happened I just had to grab hold of anything I could get my hands on and breathe for a few minutes until the world stopped spinning. And it was during those days - suddenly and brutally - that I was forced to make a kind of progress and find skills within that I didn't know I had in me. I had to learn how to say no. To control how accessible I was to be and to be my own bodyguard and protector. I had to make some difficult choices and objectively weigh pro's and con's to what was right for my life and mental health. And all of it had to happen overnight. Not when I was ready for it. It was weird to go through it. It was almost as if I stepped outside of myself and became my own advisor, caretaker and coach. I discovered to my surprise that I am tougher and more powerful than I had imagined. And that I know myself better than I had dared to believe. I had to draw on forgotten knowledge and buried times to pull through - and I did the cleverest thing ever: surround myself with reminders of how fantastic my life has become.
I have struggled greatly with nightmares after this all happened. Dreams where me or my loved ones are under attack from evil people, and I'm the only one who can protect everyone around me... It's improved now. Now they're merely unpleasant dreams. But apart from the nightmares, this forced progress has been a a turbo thrust to my recovery. I'm baffled, but I'm standing taller than ever!
So all in all, the unforeseen happened. I came out of this experience stronger and more prepared to tackle my struggles than ever. I have a newfound confidence in my own abilities to captain my life, something that I am convinced will help me when I get back in my therapists room after the Xmas holidays.
So here I sit with a smile on my face :) Can we call that 1-0 to me over my adversaries?
I bought an EP on ITunes today. It was a VERY good buy!
Ladies and gentlemen; let me introduce you to: ALLEN STONE
Pressphoto
I fist came across this soulful singer through a friend of mine, Phillip Jaurigui who runs Sunset Strip Music Festival in Los Angeles. We were at SXSW Music Festival in Texas and he highly recommended that I drop by private party to check out Stone. And so I did. And so I discovered the soulful r&b-inspired music that seems to be a recipe for good mood. Check out this video from the performance I attended at SXSW:
Us Dreamcatchers were so impressed with him, that we even gave him a proper mention in our travel-blog in the local newspaper. Originally from Chewelah, Washington, Stone grew up in a home highly influenced by gospel-music, and after discovering soulful funk from the 60'es and 70'es in his teens his path seemed set. By american press he is most often described as a mixture between Stevie Wonder, Justin Timberlake, Marvin Gaye and Donnie Hathaway, and I'd gladly add Norways very own Bernhoft to that list. A lot of the music he creates has lyrics that deals with issues in society, such as f.ex the economic crisis and the toll technology has taken on relationships. In the US, his popularity is sky-rocketing and he's made many national TV appearances, including Conan and Letterman. Right now, he's on tour in Europe, and I only wish that there were any Norway-dates on his tour-schedule....
"Allen Stone on Letterman"
After I downloaded his most recent release "Allen Stone - EP" earlier today, I haven't been able to stop listening to it, and I'm fairly sure that tonight I'll be having dreams about putting on what would (in my mind) be the ultimate musical soul-experience I can imagine at the moment: Lineup: Tromsøs own soul-kings Oh!, Allen Stone,Joss Stone and Bernhoft.
Just imagine....... *sigh*
And btw, if you are as convinced by that video-clip (despite being poorly shot with my iphone...), why not go all the way and get his album on vinyl here: BUY ON VINYL
Today has been a proper milestone in my life. I started working again!! Now, for those of you not paying close attention, I've been out of the job-market, recovering from work-related mental exhaustion for over two and a half years. In a previous blog-post of mine; "The Long And Intricate Truth", I wrote about what it's been like to be struck by such an illness like that - and shared some reflections that I have made surrounding the long, tedious and frustrating process of recovering.
And now if all of you who just took a click'y detour to read said blogpost have returned and joined the rest of us, let me tell you about the next chapter in my recovery-history:
For a long while I dreaded that I was going to end up "workless and worthless" for the rest of my life. I know it's a defeatist (and statistically unrealistic) thought, but when you're frustrated by the fact that every step forward in your recovery process is accompanied by a blow and a stagger backwards, thoughts like that have a way of grabbing hold of you. Also, because your illness is work-related, you know that you have to start from scratch again, building a new career and a new network in a completely different field to what you have ever worked in before - because returning to a job-environment similar to the one that made you sick, would be counterproductive, downright stupid and would make you sick again.
Now I've always been a stubborn and ambitious girl, and after only a few, short rounds of soul-searching, it didn't take long for me to decide what area I saw myself working in sometime in the future. And because that stubbornness and ambition is paired with impatience and creativity, I soon started using most of my time and energy to focus on shaping what would someday become my new life. Music.
Dreamcatcher became such a huge success in my life that I could no longer convincingly tell myself that I was useless. It opened up a network of people to me that made me have to deal with the outside world, and not barricade myself in my apartment and develop social anxiety. It gave me musical experiences that put a smile on my face and awe in my heart. And most importantly, it pointed the way to my future - and I couldn't wait to take each step in the direction it pointed.
And today, the step I took was a huge one! The Bukta Open Air Festival; one of the best rockfestivals in Norway, have agreed to house me at my first job since I got sick, and they welcomed me with open arms. I've been involved in the festival for a few years already, both as a volunteer and as a member of the assistant staff, and I've admired and appreciated the way they conduct their business. And now I am a member of their administration :D
I caught myself grinning where I sat at my desk today - so happy that I've come so far that I'm re-entering the working world again. And so grateful that I can work at a place that accepts me for who I am and what I am capable of, strengths and flaws included! I honestly think that I have never started a job with more honest and realistic pretenses before - not pretending to be anything I'm not, and not feeling any pressure to over-achieve and enter into a mode that will bury me in work and lead to another breakdown.
And can I tell you a secret? I actually think the removal of that pressure might be one of the keys to unlocking my recovery....
It's only the 14th of November, but in my head, the preparations for Christmas are already well under way. The first presents are bought and wrapped in beautiful vintage paper, the first home-made cookies are baked by the masterchef that is my 8 year old son, and I feel the christmassy spirit sneaking up on me.
I think that this year I've been determined to start the preparations early for two particular reasons.
1. My illness makes me have to write everything down in order to not forget it... So I expect there to be surprises I hadn't considered... And because I suffer from a phenomenon I've aptly named "The 12 hour curse" (Definition of The 12 hour curse: Anytime I do something that wears me out mentally (f.ex spend time in a shopping centre, arrange a Dreamcatcher-concert, hang out with friends, have a therapy-session ++) my mind gets so worn out that I collapse into a comalike-state for a minimum of 12 hours before I wake up and am ready to repeat the whole thing all over again), I keep losing huge chunks of days, so I recon that in order to get it all sorted in time for Christmas I have to start early.
2. I have a very busy December planned with gigs, touring and most importantly, starting my new job, so I expect to be struck by the 12 hour curse a lot, losing a lot of that wondrous pre-christmas time... :p
But despite the obstacles, I am determined to have the best pre-christmas time ever, with my son, my friends and my amazing family. And then.... The best Christmas ever! I'm already looking forward to it like a little kid, and here are a few photos from last years holidays to get you just as excited as me ;)
So there you go: That was my postcard perfect Christmas of 2011. Now all I'm left with is this slightly worrying feeling: How on EARTH am I going to capture the Christmas of 2012 without photographing the exact same things as in 2011??! :O
